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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130937">Unconventionally Human</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhTigridia/pseuds/OhTigridia'>OhTigridia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A3! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Nightmares, Relationship Study, Slow Dancing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:27:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhTigridia/pseuds/OhTigridia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As Guy stands behind the bar, polishing circles into the mahogany surface, Hisoka swipes a finger across the rim of his glass, looking dismally at his reflection in the liquid. </p><p>“Guy…” He mutters, breaking the rigid tension that settles in the silence. “...You still feel guilty about last night…”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Guy/Mikage Hisoka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Unconventionally Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hisoka and Guy still take things slowly. There is a quietness in life neither of them knew prior, and they are still learning how to be human, as their pasts ebb and flow in the back of their heads.</p><p>They were weaponized. With dangerous talents, the low whisper of death murmurs in their footfalls. They have blood on their hands that streak their lives in an unholy shade of red, but they retain remorse, and encapture it with a gentleness for the rest of the world. </p><p>In that way, maybe they act as a shield for each other. A kind reminder that the scars of their past cannot grasp them anymore, and that they are safe to heal, slow within these walls.</p><p>Hisoka finds home within Guy. It’s a place built in etude acts, and the lost familiarity of burnt meals they both shall laugh at. In Guy’s arms which are safe, as Hisoka trusts them to wrap around his waist in sleep. It’s the same trust found in Hisoka allowing himself to be so vulnerable in Guy’s lap. It reminds Guy that he is no longer an android-built mercenary, but someone worthy of love and kindness.</p><p>They are human, with warm hands, and lips to kiss at their curiosity. </p><p>The sultry heat of Spring shines it’s head, and Hisoka can watch curiously at one of his favorite sights in the world. The sight of Guy in the garden, tending to the dorm’s bed of flowers.</p><p>They grow strong in the soil. They are flourishing from all the care Guy provides, their colour bursting into vibrant blooms. Hisoka watches from the grass, admiring the way Guy smiles so honestly at them. His own tenderness ushers life into things, rather than the misery that comes with taking it away. </p><p><em> He is built for a life of this kind </em>, Hisoka thinks, as the grass tickles the side of his face. It should be a pretty image to fall asleep to, though it sparks thoughts in Hisoka's head. A feeling such as disdain, that someone as wonderful as Guy had ever been made to believe they were worthy of nothing at all.</p><p>In all Hisoka’s own years of sewing death, he’d been taught things about love and family. He’d taken it for granted, living on a high horse promise that it should never have been met with ruin. It’s that sort of feeling that leaves Hisoka feeling so utterly undeserving of the respect he had been given.</p><p>There is empathy in watching the scars of Guy’s hands, hidden by soil when he plants a fresh bulb. They match the scars on Hisoka’s own hands, quiet little inscriptions of things that should not be spoken of.</p><p>At least he‘d awake to August and April by his bedside, which is more than what he can say for Guy. They were three of a kind, people who shared the same experiences, and would mourn the terrors of that place in whiskey on the roof at night. Guy never had that - he had Citron, but it is not as if he could ever have dreamed of what Guy had endured. </p><p>It makes Hisoka feel pained, sorry misery at the fact that he never got to say goodbye to August. He should have told him every night how much he meant to him, made sure he knew how grateful he was, because he was lucky to have had such a privilege of a home in the first place. </p><p>He sighs, pushing such deep regrets from his mind. There is nothing he can do for his family now, but he can at least work on the present.</p><p>He watches as Guy places his trowel down, and comes to lie in the grass next to Hisoka. Wordlessly, he shuffles, placing his head against Guy’s chest, and listens intently to the rhythmic beat of Guy’s heart. He takes his hand, cherishing the comfortable squeeze Guy gives it. </p><p>Quiet, and so beautifully human.</p><p>He wants Guy to have this home to return to forever and ever, and Hisoka wants nothing more than to be by his side through the days that come and go. </p><p>This time, Hisoka shall not lose.</p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>Despite that promise, there are times when things become more difficult.</p><p>It is the dead of night when Hisoka is awoken by the sound of tossing, turning, and distressed grunts of nighttime pain. As his eyes adjust to the dark, he notices how Guy shakes reverently, caught within the wrath of another nightmare. </p><p>“Guy…” He calls, his voice barely an octave above a whisper. He does not stir, but continues to shake and tremble in violent distress. </p><p>They have seen each other’s nightmares before, held each other through it night after night, but this one seemed so much worse. The intensity of his shaking. The tears that slid silver down his cheeks. The way he gasped as if he could not breathe. It was terrifying to watch, and Hisoka felt lost, pained just watching it helplessly. </p><p>“Guy.. Please wake up…” He utters, leaning over to take one of Guy’s hands. He regrets it in the instant his wrist is grabbed, and shoulder pinned into the mattress with a terrifying amount of strength. Of course, Hisoka should know better than to make such a mistake, as he stares back into Guy’s eyes.</p><p>“<em> Mikage </em>!” Guy suddenly gasps, snapped from the wrath of his nightmare. With that, he hasity removes himself from Hisoka, turning away to stare at his hands in shame.</p><p>“Guy....” Hisoka whispers, his heart pounding from the shock. Of course, Hisoka was afraid - he had every right to be, though the fear he shook from was difficult to name. It was a deep, aching terror. The natural reflexed horror of his past, mixed with a wish to deflect it, and spare Guy’s hurt feelings.</p><p>“I… I’m ok I promise…” He whispers, shuffling carefully over to comfort his lover, though he shakes his head. </p><p>“Please do not touch me.” Guy says, voice shaking, and breath laboured. “I should not have reacted like that.” The tone of his voice is self critical in a way that only aches Hisoka’s heart further.</p><p>“You should lie down…” Hisoka murmurs, ever desperate, though Guy only refuses him as he stands, and turns to leave. </p><p>“If you’ll excuse me…” He says, but tonight Hisoka does not reach out to stop him. </p><p>He is only tired, as he curls in on himself. He  hugs his knees tight against his chest, the same as he did when he was just a frightened child. </p><p>He’d seen that thrashing too many times, in his family, and their shared pain. </p><p>Guy’s - so similar and yet so different. It is when he trembles in the night, cursed by nightmares of the android’s agony, that Hisoka starts to hate the world again. He’d learned to love it once, though he could not forgive the star’s fate for how it has tainted everything Hisoka holds dear.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The following night was a quiet one at the bar, the soft drum of music settling over an easy weekday crowd. It had thinned by the early hours of the morning, leaving Guy and Hisoka alone under the orange glow of lighting.</p><p>As Guy stands behind the bar, polishing circles into the mahogany surface, Hisoka swipes a finger across the rim of his glass, looking dismally at his reflection in the liquid. </p><p>“Guy…” He mutters, breaking the rigid tension that settles in the silence. “...You still feel guilty about last night…” </p><p>With that, Guy looks up, swallowing a lump in his throat before averting his gaze from Hisoka’s own. It is a more bashful image than Hisoka has seen in a while.</p><p>“I hurt you, Mikage. It was my mistake.”</p><p>Hisoka nods slow, glancing at the scars on his hands as he thinks out his words. He never liked when things became difficult like this, it reminded him of things in the past. His own mistakes that he never did apologise for, and feels oddly hypocritical at the suffocating guilt of it all.</p><p>“Well… You’re hurting me now, if you’re not gonna stop blaming yourself for it...” He chooses to say, wondering if he came off too bluntly as Guy’s eyes expand in a morphed expression of surprise. </p><p>“I’m afraid I do not understand.” Guy says quietly, and Hisoka smiles a little apologetically. </p><p>“....Just don’t want you to blame yourself for things once you’re forgiven…” Hisoka says gently. “Not like I ever blamed you in the first place, but you know… I could easily have done that to you, and you’d forgive me too right?” </p><p>“...I suppose you have a point…” Guy says, albeit a little reluctantly.</p><p>“I know you’d never hurt me… We have the power to do bad things, but we trust each other, and I think that’s something special…” </p><p>A thought ponders in his head, that perhaps he needs that kind of reassurance too. After blaming himself for not being able to save his old family, he’d often believed he was dangerous. Undeserving of love like this. There’s a mutual agreement of trust that comes with Guy. A balance of power that makes him feel safe within his arms. He should not like to think he’d lose it out of accidents like last night.</p><p>“I think you are right Mikage, but I cannot help but worry regardless. I wish to never hurt you, or put you in any kind of danger, and yet I cannot prevent such things from happening.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Hisoka nods, understanding the angle Guy takes with his thinking. He glances back down at his image reflected in the glass once more, wondering absently how far December actually is from Hisoka. </p><p>Each tomorrow is uncertain. In life, Hisoka has learned never to take anything lightly. Whatever each day should bring however, Hisoka would rather live it in a way he deems fitting. Cherish every moment, taking nothing for granted - especially not with Guy. </p><p>“I don’t know what the future will bring… sometimes I think it’s better not to know that sort of thing…” Hisoka says quietly. “but even if something were to happen, I’d still want to be with you.”</p><p>“...I see.” Guy acknowledges, a melting softness appearing on his face, sparking in the emerald pools of his eyes. “I of course feel the same about you Mikage, it’s just easy for me to worry these days.” </p><p>“I know… sorry.”</p><p>Something hurts Hisoka’s heart. A deep feeling of pain in wishing things should never have to be like this. That people like Guy should never suffer in the way he has done, and should never have doubts over their bloodied past.</p><p>In every way they are the same, Hisoka cursing the stars and the moon for what has been taken from him, and should find himself praying that the same fate is not to happen to his lover. </p><p>“Maybe it is not such a terrible thing though, Mikage.” Guy says, interrupting his train of thought.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>At that, Guy smiles, gentle and kind as he speaks. “I suppose fear is a good thing, it is a symbol of caring for someone. I am glad that I have the privilege of worrying over you.”</p><p>“I… guess that is true.” Hisoka nods. It is a conclusion that can be settled on quite understandably, though he is exhausted from all the fear and tension of the night.</p><p>Maybe for once in his life, Hisoka wishes things were simple. Quiet. That all they were was lovers, encaptured in a tender moment after hours at the bar. The taste of alcohol on their lips, like giddy teenagers the pair never had the chance to be. </p><p>“Guy?..” Hisoka asks after a moment, looking up at his lover’s face across the bar.</p><p>“Yes Mikage?”</p><p>“Do you want to… dance?” </p><p>“Ah...I do not know how.”</p><p>“I can teach you…” Hisoka says, gazing into Guy’s eyes as he reaches for his hand. “Come over here…”</p><p>Guy obliges, moving from behind the bar to the wide space of floor in front of it. Hisoka wriggles from his bar stool, standing so the pair are together, looking deep into each other’s eyes.</p><p>“It’s like this…” Hisoka says slowly.</p><p>In clasping one hand with Guy’s, he smooths a thumb across a knuckle, cherishing the roughness of his skin. In each touch, he is slow, accepting Guy solely, as he guides his other hand to meet the small of Hisoka’s back.</p><p>“...Move in time with me…” Hisoka says, shutting his eyes for just a moment, so his senses close in on the feeling of Guy’s hands against him. His touch is kind, something to be trusted and cherished, as a bittersweet lovesong encaptures the rhythm of their hearts.</p><p>In the past, he did this to charm odious men and women. He did this as some kind of beautifully lethal weapon. Within Guy’s touch, such dances are given new life - something soft, and genuinely intimate. Their hands are coarse as they clasp together, Guy’s movements rigid and unnatural compared to the litheness of his lover, but they make it work on pure love. </p><p>How Hisoka balances steady on the tips of his toes, and Guy naturally leans down to capture Hisoka with a kiss. His lips have the sweetness of a sugar Hisoka adores, and he pushes deeper, tender until they pull away. Guy smiles with all the gentleness he deserves to bare - adoring, and whimsically held within  the deepness of emerald eyes.</p><p>It is a quiet dance, but it brings life to Hisoka’s heart, squeezing tight, as if he is afraid to ever let go.</p><p>“I love you…” He whispers, leaning wholey into Guy’s touch. He wishes for life to stay this way forever from now on. Calm, within the lucidity of the lover’s dream.</p>
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